The Diary of: A Problematic Family
by Heartless Fantasy
Summary: Now we must all entertain little kids in a burned down male strip club. Why is all this different stuff going on? Won't someone please be smart enough to put an end to it all? And Yoshi is still missing his testicles!
1. The Intro

Heartless Fantasy: Hello all, this is not my first fanfic, this is a new account. These concepts are taken from Smashing People, in my other account. Please take mote, you may search for my old account Quinmaster, and you will see that I have revised my fanfic, I will add more to it, the character concepts will be similar, and there will be more speech with a character. THIS IS NOT PLAYGIARISM! As I have said, not every character will be in each chapter of this fanfic. Below the disclaimer, the character bios will be described., but not all characters will get a bio. These entries are in diary form.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. These characters are owned by Nintendo or someone affiliated by them.

Mario: The Italian plumber who cheats on his girlfriend, he ends most sentences with an "-a" because of his accent. He envies his brother because he is sexier.

Luigi: The superstar who seeks lots of fortune. He works out daily and is sexier than his older brother. He also has a big "surprise" that packs a nice punch.

Peach: The dumb blonde. She cooks, she cleans, she says stupid things, and she has man eating boobies.

Link: He keeps bombs in strange places and is addicted to smoking. He also has a bad odor between his thighs, like and odor from a girl smelling like "sushi", when she doesn't wash herself after a while.

Bowser: The drunken idiot. He is always running from Samus, is in love with Sheik, and has constipation problems.

Zelda: The richer, prissier princess. She has a bad attitude and isn't afraid to change into Sheik. She suffered from bulimia a while back. Prejudice towards all men.

Sheik: Having a much different personality. She isn't the most attractive female, and she gets horny quickly. She has a nasty surprise which is called "it".

Captain Falcon: He's the horny gay guy. He's fun, like parties, cars, moonlight rides, and pink. He was arrested for sexually harassing Maury.

Fox: A perverted Pokémon lover. He usually molests Mewtwo and has oral sex with Lickitung.

Yoshi: A bisexual dinosaur with a tongue that wonders aimlessly. He has a halitosis, bad breath, which makes most people sick to their stomachs.

Marth: The woman's man, he likes wearing women's lingerie, secretly a cross-dresser.

Roy: He always itches in "places" because he suffers from genital herpes. He's desperate to not be a virgin, the reason he still is one is because he's not as sexy as Luigi.

Young Link: Perverted, and I mean PERVERTED. He does everything an adult would do, except he's 11. He hates for people to help him and he has a problem cooking.

Samus: Samus is in love with Bowser and is always horny for some reason. She also seems to be traumatized from accidents when she was a child.

Ganonodorf: He has eating problems. The doctor's say that if he keeps eating, he may get pregnant. That's right, pregnant!

Author's Note: I may bash a character during this story, I love Oprah , and some characters may be in weird positions, but this is a comedy story. Please do not give bad reviews because a character has a bad trait or is featured in a bad position. These are diary entries, I will note at the top of each section whose entry it is.

-- 3: 42 P.M, May 21 Marth's Diary Entry

Dear Diary,

Today Link and I ate at McDonalds today. For some reason, all the flies were flying around Link's thighs and there was a very bad odor down there which I smelled when I came from the bathroom, I will get to that later. While we were there, Link went to order and the cashier fainted. Maybe Link looked weird, he sure does to me with his big ears and Capri's. Anyway, as I was saying, Link decided to go behind the counter and get the food. We ate and the people inside and for some reason would walk by Link and shout out "Good God Almighty what is the, road kill?" or something like "I can't believe they haven't taken out the trash in here." A guy whispered to me and asked did I smell something bad, I said no. (Maybe it's because I had a stuffy nose.) My bra was itching me badly, and I wanted to go to the bathroom to fix it. Link insisted I stay with him because 2 cashiers were getting a bucket of water and some soap and were pointing at Link. I thought think they were pointing at a spill on the floor and they needed to clean it up. I went on to the bathroom and fixed my bra, thong, and blew my nose. When I headed out the bathroom, there was this god awful smell that hit me in the face. My eyes burned and I gasped for air. Before I blanked out, I could see Link half naked. He was running away from the people who had soap and water, and the others who ate inside were cheering. (Maybe they thought Link was a celebrity and wanted his clothes and dirty bath water.) When I woke up, I was laying on a table. And people all had air freshener spraying it everywhere, and Link was naked, his clothes were in the trash. They said Link was banned from McDonalds, we left out, and the people inside burned his clothes. He wore my panties and bra on the walk home so he could have something to wear, and people were taking pictures. We hurried home, and everyone was sniffing in the air and clapping and cheering for ME. They said, "YEAH MARTH! YOU MADE THE SMELL GO AWAY! NO MORE STINKY LINKY! HIP HIP HOORAY!", Link ran to his room crying. I have to get ready for the party tonight. I plan on wearing that new girdle and dress I bought. (It's hot pink with hearts!)

Marth

-- 2:45 P.M, May 21 Bowser's Diary Entry

Deer Dairy,

Toda wuz the best day uv my life! Leenk had no stinky smel n-e more! He had no more greeen air thing running off of hem. 2 nite we will throw a part-e becuz it is a beer part-e! I kant wate until I can drink all the bear I want and no 1 can stop me. I also no that Mar-e-o is cheeting on peech with : A BEER STAIN COVERS HALF THE PAGE AND MAKES THIS PART ILLEGIBLE: HAR HAR HAR! I will like 2 see the look on peeches fase wen she finds out. Peeches so dum that she wont no wat happened.

Sencerelee,

Bowzer!

4: 43 P.M., May 21 Link's Diary Entry

Journal,

It seems like things will just go wrong when all I did was go a few days (weeks) without having a shower. The reason for all of this is because Captain Falcon always tries to join in on my showers. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I couldn't even stand the smell in between my thighs. Earlier this morning, the flies that swarmed around my genitalia were dieing from the smell. I think if I can have a bad smell, the Captain Falcon will leave me alone. At this party, I know he will be there. Watching me…trying to touch all over me. :A WHOLE LINE OF THE PAGE HAS A BIG SCRIBBLE RUNNING THROUGH IT: Marth isn't a very good friend because he could have at least helped me when that old lady jumped on my back. They tried a lot of stuff on me: soap, water, Clorox, Tide, and even bacon grease.

I will just have to forget about it, but I have to scrape this stuff off the wall that Fox left when he was in my room with NidoQueen. I hated that night because all you could hear was that darn Pokemon screaming it's name for some reason. Fox was telling it to use some attacks like "lick" and "bounce". He promised he would only need about a few hours with it to "train" it, but he went almost a whole day in my room. Luckily, we had Mario burn the door down and stop them. I didn't see what happened, but all I know is Mario says he has been scarred for life. I have to put on my new boots and spandex pants, and maybe a gold earring in my right ear when I go to party! I ran out of cigarettes a while ago, and I need to restock. I have been running out of cigarettes and Mario smoked most of my weed plants. I better go and get some before the party.

Link

-- 5:43 A.M., May 22 Peach's Diary Entry

Hello! Last night was a blast! Mario said he would have some really big news for me. I thought he would say I could go a shopping spree in Wal-Mart. All that big belly mother fu--er old me was that he was cheating on me with some girl name Pamela Anderson. I was mad at Mario, not because he cheated, but mainly because he didn't get me the new Dora the Explorer videos on DVD. I have been watching Nick Jr. re-runs for a LONG time and I am sick and tired of them! I gave Mario a kiss on the cheek and pulled off my shirt for him. My man eating boobies attack that big belly punk and almost ripped off his "cocktail weenie". I don't really feel sorry for him. Zelda acted like she knew EVERYTHING that was gong on. I can't stand her, once day, I will shove a cement block down her throat, and make it come out the other end. My God, I am so tired. I had to clean up the mess Bowser made. Not mess as in the house, but he ate some sushi and it messed with his stomach and he got constipated. I gave him some laxatives and I thought he would be all better, but it really didn't help him. I left out the room, and when I came back in everyone was covered in this green gunk and Bowser was hauled over laughing. I tasted that stuff. It doesn't taste good. It tastes kind of like the stuff you find in the toilet when your Grandmother leaves out. Sometimes it's brown, but for me, every once in a while it's red. Link wants me to get his cigarettes, but I told him for me to get his cigarettes, he has to get rid of his smell. Piece of paper, I am sleepy and I must get my rest. Goodnight!

Au Re Voir!

:DROOL IS COVERING THE REST OF THE PAGE:

-- 10:27 A.M, May 23 Young Link's Diary Entry

Gooday Journal,

My older half has been giving me serious problems. He says at the party a couple of days ago, I could have caught AIDS or Hepa---hepitiseosis---- whatever you catch from sex. I want to be an adult and I will do everything in my power to get it. He says whatever I do to myself now affect him. So I tried that. First I burned myself on the cheek when I tried flipping pancakes with my face, Link has a burn mark on his forehead. Next, I'm going to try and see what happens when I Take Viagra! They side effect say that I may have long term effects of being horny!

Right now, I have to cook breakfast! I hate cooking because when I do it, everyone always tries to help me because they think I will burn something! Just because I am young doesn't mean I will burn stuff! The first person to ask if I need help gets one right in the knee-cap. Nothing every goes wrong when I cook by myself. Cool things happen though, like my pancakes started walk, my bacon vomited, and my toast molded in a matter of seconds. Everyone lost their appetite except Bowser. He still ate, but Samus started touching Bowser's private part and he threw a fit. I didn't eat because I was too busy havng a conversation with the Moo Moo Milk.

That reminds me, I will get Roy back for what he did. He drank all my Moo Moo milk. That virgin punk is going to pay. Think about it, you're 23 years old, and you're still a virgin! I'm a pre-teen and I have been looking up old ladies' skirts since I was 3 ½! I know how I will get him. All I need is Bowser, some food coloring, and an empty bottle of Moo Moo Milk. I better start on my plan right now:: A SMILEY FACE WITH AN EVIL GRIN IS DRAWN:

-- 5:54 P.M, May 23 Samus's Diary Entry

Samus Signing In:

I have great news: Tomorrow I will propose to Bowser. He has been avoiding me lately. He changed his locks to his house, but I can sneak in his window tonight for a little "alone" time. I really love Bowser, no matter how dumb he is. At the party, I tried to get him drunk enough to kiss me, but he opened his mouth and ate me. I was caught inside Bowser's stomach inside all of his digestive fluids. Now I love Bowser, but I couldn't believe some of the stuff he ate! I saw live chicken, a mailbox, Marth's pantyhose, Pikachu, the R. Kelly Sex Tape (Which I horded for myself, I will watch it later on tonight.), and Elvis was inside his body (He IS alive!). I stayed there and I could hear Bowser saying that he had heartburn and he got constipated. I knew I was in for a rude awakening because a whole can of laxatives fell upon my head. I screamed to get out, but I was then being sucked into Bowser's intestine. I was caught in corners, and the god awful smell was melting my suit! The smell reminded me of a couple of days ago, when Link had that bad odor. As I went through the twists and turns, I finally was pushed out of Bowser. I was covered in brown slime and I had 3rd degree burn from all the hot mess being on my body. The next thing I know, Peach was holding me saying, "Congratulations! It's a girl!".

Well computer journal, I must also tell you about earlier this morning when Young Link cooked our breakfast. I'm not saying he could cook or anything, but when I walked in the kitchen, Mario was bleeding from his head. He was face down in a puddle of blood. I helped Link dispose of Mario's body. He said he had a "special surprise" for Roy when he ate breakfast and he wanted me to leave. He said before I go, that I need to take a shower because I smelled like poo. I took my shower and returned to the breakfast table. Luckily nothing was wrong with the food! Nothing crawling, nothing hairy, nothing with flesh eating teeth, but the eggs did hatch into miniature Oprahs and gave us free trips to the Bahamas! Afterwards we prayed for the food. Computer journal, I will write what Luigi when he prayed:

God is good, God is great. Oh thank the Lord for making me sex-ay. I hope that everyone will try and be like me. For I am the sexiest in the world you see. Thank you Jesus for my sexy body and six pack. Thank you Lord for my sexy butt crack. Speaking of crack, Link has been smoking a lot. Weed, cocaine, angel dust, and pot. Lord I thank you for all of this, and I thank you for blessing me with my big, fat di---

Sorry computer journal, the anticipation is killing me and I have to watch this video tape and afterwards I have to get a diamond ring from somewhere, maybe and Bowser will be my husband and Captain Falcon will be my Bride's Maid , and I I'll have the Ice Climbers as the ring bearer and flower girl! The wedding will be so hot!

End Transmission.

6:30 P.M., May 23 Roy's Diary Entry

Young Link put white food coloring in some of Bowser's "stew" and served it to me this morning as breakfast! That little pointy eared bastard will get his! I will make him pay! I have devised a plan, that I will get Young Link to have ALL the sex he wants! Not the in the good way.

Tonight, Luigi and I will go clubbin'. Maybe tonight I will be able to actually KISS a girl! The closest I have come to sex with anyone is when Captain Falcon was really desperate for someone. He said we could do it, I didn't want to, but I needed to lose my virginity. Later on that night, he didn't want to because he said I kept my hand down my pants all the time. The reason is because I have an incredibly BAD itch down there! I knew I should've had my shots before picked up that hooker who gave me oral sex. There wasn't much wrong with her, she just had sagging boobs, one leg, a lazy eye, grey hair, and she almost had a stroke. I enjoyed it, but the lady died afterwards because of the tension of someone 82 years old trying to have sex. My grandmother and great ,great grandfather still have sex! Of course my great, great grand father is dead, and my grandmother is some desperate old horny house wife, who will do it with any thing near her. Once I caught her humping the dead deer Papa brought in for dinner one night.

Speaking of humping, I don't remember how I caught my herpes. Luigi says it could've been from anywhere. It seemed to have come up from that night we went to Never Never Land and I got drunk and all the little kids were laying next to me huddled up saying some Caucasian psycho was after them.

Luigi's calling me saying we need to get ready for the club. I wish I was as sexy as Luigi. He has it all, a sexy body, nice legs, a cute face, and women love him. He looks so much better than Mario, and I wish I was just like him. I asked why he wore green suits and how he got to sexy. He said green was inspired from when Bowser was a baby. He says the sexiness comes from the "it" thing in Sheik. I must find out the "it" that Sheik has. Now I have to :THE REST IS LEFT BLANK BECAUSE ROY WAS PULLED AWAY FROM THE DIARY BY SEXY L' MAN. LUIGI WAS READY TO GO CLUBBIN'.:

12:46 A.M., May 24 Sheik's Diary Entry

Dearest Diary,

I must say that every man has started to look good to Sheik. When Sheik went to clubbin' with Luigi and Roy, Sheik wanted to touch on Roy's butt. Sheik had never noticed that Roy had a cute butt. Sheik looked at Luigi and saw that he had a "sexy" butt and Sheik wanted to touch it. Sheik grabbed the round cheeks of Luigi and he jumped and shouted. Sheik's hormones went crazy and Sheik jumped on Luigi. Sheik used Sheik's "it" to soothe Luigi. Luigi tried and kick Sheik's "it", but Sheik's "it" moved out of the way and my "it" slapped him. He screamed in agony and Roy tried and choke Sheik's "it". Roy said this is the biggest "it" he has ever seen. Roy wrestled with Sheik's "it" and Sheik's "it" choked Roy. Luigi ran off and Sheik ran after Luigi. Luigi can run fast because he has the power of sexiness.. Sheik ran very fast after Luigi and used Sheik's gigantic "it" to hit Luigi in the back of the head. Sheik's "it" roared as Sheik pounced on Luigi and Sheik's "it" made Luigi scream like a little girl. All this night Sheik's "it" has been smelling like Luigi's saliva and Sheik must wash her "it". Luigi has sexy breath, but Sheik's "it" needs to smell like Sheik, not Sexy in Green. Now it is Zelda's turn to be in control and Sheik must leave. Goodbye Dearest Diary.

Sheik Hearts Luigi

3: 24 A.M., May 24 Luigi's Diary Entry

Ow-a Ow-a Ow-a! My butt-a hurts from Sheik's "it"-a! I don't know why-a so many people want-a the Sexy Luigi. I was unconscious-a after the first-a hour of Sheik's "it"-a molesting my body-a. I must-a say-a that I hate Sheik's "it"-a. I don't want to think-a about it. So I will bring up something else-a.

Peach-a has been acting-a very strange-a. She says-a she has been looking for her diamond rind that was-a given to her-a by her mother-a when she was a baby-a. She says-a when she finds-a whoever who took it-a, she will break-a their necks-a. After about-a 4 minutes-a, she stopped looking-a and watched SpongeBob SquarePants. She sing-a the whole song to the show all day-a. She also hogs the T.V. all-a the time watching Barney and Winnie the Pooh-a, and she throws-a fit-a when we try and watch-a American Idol-a. Man-a I hate Peach, her attitude stinks-a. She also wears a shirt that says-a, "I wish these were brains." Her man eating boobies are a real problem-a. Peach always-a sits around-a the house with her shirt-a off. This would-a usually turn an Italian on, but-a her boobies nipples have thousands of teeth inside them. They don't like-a movement, and attack almost everything they see-a. It's annoying-a watching-a everyone get bitten by her dogs-a.

I have to go to bed-a and get some sleep. I have a big day later on today-a because we are going to the Bahamas! I am so ready to go on a vacation-a! I am tired of this city and everyone-a wants to party-a out in the sun-a. I hope-a we have enough room on the plane-a. They also said-a that there are weed plants there-a. Link will be very happy-a. I have to get some pain killers for my butt.

Catching Z's and an Aching Butt, Luigi

------------------------------

End Words: Yay! I have plans for a lot of more Captain Falcon in the next one! This is a tiring process because I have to make everyone's entries different, to add to the character personalities. Hopefully, I can get some good reviews with suggestions on what else I could put in. Next chapter, the Bahamas!


	2. Da Bahama Drama

Heartless Fantasy: Hi and thank you to all who have submitted reviews. I will try and topple the humor of the last chapter with this chapter. Get ready for a better, longer story, with less typos. I would also like to thank the sexiness of Luigi, because without him, my story wouldn't be as sexy as it is now! I am also going to add something to separate the way the diary entries are written.

NOTE TO ALL SMASHERS: THE TRIP TO THE BAHAMAS IS AT 6:00 A.M! DON'T BE LATE!

1:10 A.M., May 25 Captain Falcon's Diary Entry

Greetings Diary,

That ugly dude Roy told me that he had a special job for me. I wonder what it is. He said he would tell me on the plane ride to the Bahamas and I would have to do it at the Bahamas. He said it would be worth it, but I may have to make someone appear to take a blood test. I hope I won't appear on Maury again, because they said I was banned there, and my offspring will be to.

I went shopping in the mall today. I bought loads and loads of pink. Marth was there with me, he went to the girl's section for some reason. Marth isn't gay, he's just different. I bought a pink bracelet that goes with my tight man jeans. I can't wait until I rock these pink Nikes I'm bought. They're so cute!

Now let's talk about love. I really, really like Link. He always avoids me. I can't stand that little dirty midget Young Link though. That little big head bastard owes me so much money for all those condoms he bought. I know his little pinky winky can't handle all that sex. But his older self turns me on like I can't imagine. I said when could we get together, he said when Sheik's "it" shrinks. I still don't know what Sheik's "it" is. I know a few days ago, Link was smelling. The smell was so bad, I thought of pulling a Michael Jackson, cutting my nose off.

Samus said she wants me to be her Bride's Maid because I'm her best friend. She is so sweet, I won't wear a dress, that's Marth's thing. That drunken bastard Bowser! He drank my beer last night! I tried helping Samus by getting her to have sex with Bowser. He took a big bite and ate her with his drunk ass. Then after a few minutes, the whole room was colored green and brown. He messed up my new shirt I bought from Wal-Mart! That stuff doesn't come cheap!

Later on we'll be going to the Bahamas. No more being cooped up this musty old house. I can drive my pink escalade anywhere I want, but there's nothing to do here. They said at the Bahamas we get to eat free. Zelda said we were cheap and we couldn't pay for the food anyway because she is supposedly the richest woman in the world. What a b--ch! She really needs some sex or something. It's like she has her PMS 24/7. Reminds me of my mom. Always b--ching! I bet she stuffs her bra to make her breast a size bigger. There's no way a woman her size could have breasts like that. It's impossible!

I have to pack my clothes and get ready for the trip.

+ Cute Falcon Over and Out

-- 7:43 A.M., May 25 Link's Diary Entry

Journal,

I'm scarred for the rest of my life! Ganondorf slipped Prozac in some of Zelda's water! She drank her water and made this crazy look, like when you have diarrhea and you're about to have a stoke because it won't come out. She grabbed me by my throat and took me in the girl's bathroom! She ripped my clothes off and started getting on top of me and slapping me. She said, "What's my name BITCH! GOD YOU STINK!", and then she slapped me. I was a man about it and started crying. She kept slapping me and asking me what her name was, and I told her Zelda. She started sniffing in the air and said Ganondorf. She walked down the aisle of the plane and the music from "JAWS" started playing. She choked Ganondorf and twisted his arm in uncomfortable positions. She said, "Who's yo' mama now? Huh? I'm yo mama! MAMA SAYS YOU HAVE BEEN A BAD BOY!" Ganondorf broke down and started crying and he said it couldn't get any worse.

Zelda turned into Sheik and used her humongous "it" on him. I have never seen anything like that. It was such a sad moment for Ganondorf and I am sure he has a tooth ache from the mysterious powers of Sheik's "it". Sheik had turned her head towards Luigi and jumped on him. The music from "JAWS' played again and she attacked him with the "it". She slapped him with it, choke him with it (she didn't wrap it around his neck), and she even gave him a spanking. Luigi, with his sexiness, said that I wanted more sex!

Sheik ran towards me and the "Thundercats" theme song started playing. She threw some needles at me and pinned me to the wall of plane. She made her way towards me and she turned green for some reason. She started choking and vomiting and said the smell between my legs was too horrible for her. Her "it" grew to an enormous size and started making it's way towards me. It twisted and turned and when it got close to my legs, it turned around and ran right back to Sheik. Sheik passed out and Bowser grabbed her by the legs and pulled her into the Boy's Bathroom. He was in thee for 3 minutes and Samus broke the door down. He screamed "SHE DEVIL!". She ran towards him and said "Will you marry me baby!". He through a lot of nails at her, and the got stuck to her suit and she was pinned to the wall. He bent over and said , "Prepare for my ultimate move, the POWER DUMP!". Samus was hit by the brown and green river and was KO'ed off the plane but she had an extra life. Bowser resumed whatever he was doing with Sheik. Peach saw the ring on Samus's finger was the one she was searching for. Whatever Peach did to Samus is beyond belief in my knowledge.

I hate thinking about this, because this is almost as bad as the time I went to jail for growing weed plants. The guys in there were all over me, and here's one piece of advice when you go to jail, don't drop the soap. We have about 4 more hours until we arrive at the Bahamas. I heard they have the best cigars there.

Link

-- 8:26 A.M., May 25 Fox's Diary Entry

Fox:

This trip is going to be the worst trip of my life! Pikachu, Mewtwo, Jiggylypuff, and Pichu got left behind! I don't have any Pokeballs and I need sex! I need to feel Jynx's Lovely Kiss, Haunter's Lick, and even anal sex with Blissey. You may think I'm a perverted freak, but it's actually feeling good to have sex with 200+ different animals. There is no way I can catch any sexually transmitted diseases, and I don't need the use of condoms. This still doesn't give me any hope, I NEED POKEMON SEX!

After a few moments of thinking, Kirby kind of reminds me of Clefairy and Jigglypuff. His sexy round body, almost as sexy as Luigi, is so --- stimulating. The pinkness of his body, the feel of his elastic waist, the characteristic of having no sex organs just turns me on. I must have Kirby, I must have him now! I am tired of all this waiting, I want him. I need Kirby to survive! I bet I can get Kirby to use his big mouth for something! He has sucked up a lot of things, and what I have in store for him is going to rock his little pink life.

This trip won't be so bad, and I am sure there are many Pokemon running around in the Bahamas. I heard there was a lot of Jynx there that had big boobies, big lips, and they had secret thing under their dresses. I remember the banned Pokemon episode when Brock thought that Jynx was Nurse Joy. He almost got close to and kissed her. I can't wait until I can rub on a Jynx's big fat booty and make it bounce like on those music videos. I bet I can get it taped of me having sex with a Jynx and then I can post it all over the internet! It will be even more popular than the video I made when I was 8. My dad was in it and we each took turn having sex with Mr. Mime. That was the best birthday I ever had.

Searching for Kirby: Fox

--8:32 A.M, May 25 Peach's Diary Entry

Hello! I found my diamond ring. Samus had been wearing it. She said she was keeping it warm for me. I asked her wear she found it and she said that she saw Yoshi with it. She is such a good friend, keeping my ring from getting cold. As for Yoshi, I guess I must have my man eating boobies attack him. I will need to plot this one out. This shouldn't be that hard because I graduated at the top of my class. They said I was the smartest special student in the school. Of course, I was the only special student in the school! I am so lucky to have such a great life.

When I get to the Bahamas, I am going to swim with the sharks. Sharks are so cute and I'm sure that if I can swim with them, I can make them my friends. Marth told me that if I swim with sharks, make sure I am bleeding because that will draw them towards me and we can have even more fun. He also told me to tie some raw meat around my neck and swim near their mouths. I guess he wants me to kiss the shark. I will be like The Little Mermaid and ride on the back of the sharks. I'm also going to try and collect a shark tooth, and sell it to the Black Market to get some cash to buy the Sesame Street Uncensored DVD. The commercial said it shows Big Bird saying words that haven't ever been said on PBS before. I'm going to learn every word that he uses and I will say them in church to say them in church to show the preacher that I have learned a lot of new words.

Piece of paper, I guess I should tell you about the plan that Roy has for Young Link when he goes to the Bahamas. Roy said that he will get Captain Falcon to have sex with Young Link, and Ganondorf will play a part in it. He said some other stuff, but I stopped talking and he started talking and it got all boring and I fell asleep.

Right now, I'm going to plot on how to get Yoshi back.

Au Re Voir, Peach

--9:31 A.M., May 25 Bowser's Diary Entry

Deer dairy,

I finally got 2 hav sex with sheek. It wuz so fun but that she deamon almost stop-ed me. don't worry dairy becuz I took care of her 4 good. She wont b messin wit me agen becuz I hit her with all the do do I had in my bodee. O yes dairy, I am straped 2 the top of the plane becuz I wayed it down havin sex wit sheek. I can feel the air hitting my bawls. The air duz not feel to bad on my bawls. Ganinderf said he would help me git off the top of the plane in a few minits but I don't know y he hasn't cum to gitt me yet. I gess that he has stil been scared from what Zelda did to him. It wuz so funnee that I couldn't help but laff at his face when he wus getting raped by the uptite skanky hore.  
:THE REST IS LEFT BLANK BECAUSE BOWSER'S PENCIL FLEW OFF THE SIDE OF THE PLANE:

--5:12 P.M., May 25 Mario's Diary Entry

It's-a me Diary--Mario!

Well, first that bastard-a brother of mine has-a been annoying me ever-a since we have come to the Bahamas. Earlier, we were-a playing volleyball at the beach and he-a said he was so sexy that he-a could beat me at my own-a game. Well I showed that green bastard-a that I'm better than him in-a every ways, so before the game, I shoved-a African Ants down his boxers. They ate the shit-a out of him! It was so funny watching Luigi-a miss the ball and I won the game. Sure I cheated and maybe-a it was a bit wrong, but I have been taking-a care of Luigi since we were younger-a and even then he was sexier than me. I took-a care of him so he could show-a SOME respect for me. I changed his diapers-a, taught him how-a to read, breast-a fed him, gave him pads when he-a started his period, and bought his clothes-a. He gets-a everything he deserves, and I have other things-a in store while we are here at-a the Bahamas. I also have bought a Dr. Mario outfit.

Did I mention all the fine honeys down here at the Bahamas? After the volleyball game, I was already having sex with one of the girls down here. She had on a wig, but she was still good looking and she looked as if she had an Adam's Apple, but I couldn't just been mistaken because I had my eyes closed for the full 7 minutes. I don't have to worry about Peach catching me because the dummy said I can have sex with other girls, as long as I don't eat their cakes. I hope she's talking about cakes you bake bacsue I have eaten a lot of "cakes". The girl I had sex with, I didn't taste her cake because she was super sensitive, and I had to enter through the back door.

I haven't seen Link in a while, he was behind the bard smoking. He said he couldn't take the anticipation, and he needed a really good smoke. A few minutes later, he was arrested for illegal drug use. He just doesn't know that I confiscated most of his weed before he was arrested and I'm smoking some of the stuff right now. Well :THIS REST OF THE PAGE IS TORN BECAUSE MARIO USED IT TO ROLL UP HIS WEED:

--3: 24 A.M, May 25 Yoshi's Diary Entry

I don't have my testicles anymore! I can't reproduce any eggs because that blonde whore's boobies ate my testicles! She accused me of stealing her damn diamond ring which I did not steal. I don't know where she got this information from because she is so wrong for taking my testicles. It will take me a few days to grow my balls back. Now I have nothing to use my tongue for when I get bored late at night. I guess I will just have to have sex with someone, Birdo maybe. I remember our relationship from about 2 years ago. She would always b--ch about me going out with guys, but she can't say anything because she is a transvestite! She was so bossy. She would make me get up late in the night just to go and buy her a new bow. She didn't want the regular bows, she wanted me to steal Peach's bows out of her room. I guess that's why she thought I stole her ring, but I always lied and said it was Mario who did it because he wanted to be a naked present for her. He could tied the bow around his penis and be naked for Christmas.

It's those boobies that get to me! I hate those boobies! They are 44 C boobies with very bad tempers. They have a good sense of smell and hearing. They're not as dangerous as Sheik's "it". They're still a menace to society because they are the reason that Whitney got on drugs. Whitney took care of Peach and her boobies stressed her out so much that she married Bobby and started drugs. Her career was down hill from there. It's all Peach's fault! I hate her dumb ass! Just thinking about her makes me so mad! I will get her back! Some way or another, I'm going to use her dumbness and get her back! She will pay or suck my testicles that will need to grow back!

Yo Yo YOSHI!

--7: 30 P.M., May 25 Zelda's Diary Entry

Dearest Diary,

----I know I should be mad at Ganondorf, but how could he not help himself. I'm sure he inherited his mom's intelligence and he may have a few mental problems. You can't get mad when you're the most sophisticated, intelligent, and beautiful woman in the world. I'm not mad at Bowser for raping me, but I hope he knows that Sheik has the claps. He probably can't afford a cure for it, but I know I can. These people are poor and have no money. They act like the Bahamas is such an amazing place. I have been around the world many times and none of this surprises me. These sad, sad people probably have never even wiped their butts with Charmin Ultra Soft Toilet Paper. Every time you look around they are scrubbing their asses across the rug.

----I must say that I feel sorry for what happened to Young Link. He has to take care of a child when he is just a child himself. Roy really pulled one together this time. I like his style, maybe I should try and go with him, but he isn't as sexy as Luigi. I like his style, the way he dresses, and his this smell. It's just he's and ugly virgin. I wouldn't have sex with him, not because he's ugly, but because I don't want crabs. I'm too beautiful to have crabs! He's the only man in this family that seems to have any sense.

----I have to go to the dentist for a check up on my teeth. The acid from my vomit has been wearing them down. I am sensitive about my weight. I don't want to be a fat ass like Mario, Bowser, and Peach. Vomiting my food is just s fun! I used to do it when I was a little girl. I would vomit up my Grape Sodas and drink them again. They tasted a bit funny, but they were still good sodas anyway. Bulimia is a part of my life I must say. Anyone who hasn't tried vomiting their food and eating it again doesn't know what they're missing. It's a great way to lose weight and your teeth. But most people can't afford to buy more teeth like I can, because they're all poor bastards.

Good Bye Dearest Diary, Zelda

8:22 P.M., May 25 Ganondorf's Diary Entry

Book of Thoughts:

I had a baby today because I went to an all you can eat buffet at Shoney's and got pregnant. I was so scared and I wanted to put the infant in a garbage bag and throw it in an ocean. Luckily, Roy told me that he would take care of the baby. I thanked him and asked how I could repay him and he said I don't need to repay him. He just said tell no one that I had the baby and everything will be okay. I could've hugged him, but I just wanted the baby away from me. I resumed eating because I can't have another baby for a whole week. Last time I ate that much, I had twins. I named them the Ice Climbers and they seemed to like incest a lot. I don't claim them to this day and I used the Triforce to erase memory of me being their mother. I sent them to Alaska and that's where they are now.

I have bruises from what Zelda-Sheik---whatever did to me. I am hurting so badly in my mouth and butt hole. It's so painful to chew my food and I also have this weird stain on my teeth and my tongue. It tastes familiar, but I can't exactly remember where it could've come from. I won't worry about it though. I'm going to Dr. Phil so he can help me on this thing.

Ganon D.

12:42 A.M. May 26, Roy's Diary Entry

I finally got Young Link back! HAHAHAHAHA! I had Captain Falcon have sex with Young Link and used Ganondorf's baby and told Young Link it was his. He believed it! He was about to go crazy when he found out. He started crying and Capt. Falcon was furious! They didn't suspect me and I hope they never will. Young Link looked at Capt. Falcon and asked what they would name the baby. They are still deciding on what to name the baby. The fact is that they are buying baby things and Young Link can't have sex anyone because he must remain faithful to his baby's daddy. The baby started crying and he wouldn't drink Young Link's Moo Moo Milk so Captain Falcon tried sticking his penis in the babies mouth and it chomped down on it and made it bleed. It was so sad. I kind of felt bad about what happened, but then again, he got what he deserved. I hope then older Link knows he has a son, he's going to be in for a shock when he finds out. I guess the least I could do would be to help them, but the baby is so damn ugly! It looks just like Ganondorf, just uglier.

We're staying at a Hotel and 3 people are in a room together. I know Link, Zelda, and Bowser were arguing over who would get in the beds. They argues for hours, but then they finally cam to an agreement. Zelda said Bowser could get top bunk, Link could get bottom bunk, and she would sleep on the floor. The bunks fell and Bowser fell on Link and wouldn't get off. Bowser's bed burned from the funk of Link's legs and Zelda chuckled and called someone on her cell phone. She ordered a Queen sized bed and fell asleep. Link was crushed, Bowser fell asleep on Link. Sadly, Bowser had diarrhea and let loose on Link. Now his outfit is truly green.

As for Fox, he raped Kirby for some reason. Kirby hasn't been the same. He's been jumping around at everyone's genitalia sticking his tongue out. Whatever Fox did to Kirby is a good thing because he gave me oral sex. He said he needed a blind fold because I was ugly. I am not ugly! I look better than a lot of the Smashers here! I am tired of them calling me ugly.

The doctor said he thinks he knows a cure for my genital herpes. He said I need to have sex with Luigi and it will go away. I don't know if Dr. Mario is right, but I think it would be worth a try. I mean he is a doctor, and the clone of Mario, and Luigi's brother. So maybe he's right. I have done stranger things and they worked such as wearing a Halloween Mask makes me look a lot better. I used to wear them, but Peach's boobies were being harassed by it and they attacked me.

ROY'$ Diary

NOTE: ALL SMASHERS WE WILL BE GOING TO ENTERTAIN CHILDREN IN A BURNED DOWN MALE STRIP CLUB!

Character Overview

Mario: Plotting to make Luigi's life Miserable Peach: Cut off Yoshi's testicles Luigi: Still sexy and is has no feeling in his body from African Ants Capt. Falcon: Young Link's Baby Daddy Young Link: Has a child Link: Crushed By Bowser and has been shitted upon Bowser: Sleeping on Link Samus: Has been shitted upon and still chasing Bowser Roy: Set up Young Link and Captain Falcon into thinking they had a child Ganondorf: Had a child and ran Shoney's out of business Fox: Raped Kirby and searching for Pokemon Marth: Shopping for women's lingerie Sheik: Raped by Bowser

Heartless Fantasy: I feel that this one is much better! Thanks to everyone who is reviewing my story. Please tell me what I would need to improve on, if anything, and there are probably still some typos left in this story, so please forgive me for them. Thank you all! 


	3. Strip Club Hub Bub

Heartless Fantasy: Hello all. I am so sorry that it has been so many months since I have even tried to update this page. Man, you guys AI really miss having your reviews and things, and I have printed the two chapters of my story, and they all wanted me to begin a new chapter, no matter how lazy I was. I apologize again, and I sincerely hope you all find this story interesting.

Disclaimer: I don't own them. STFU!

NOTE: ALL SMASHERS WE WILL BE GOING TO ENTERTAIN CHILDREN IN A BURNED DOWN MALE STRIP CLUB!

-- 01:48 A.M., May 27 Bowser's Diary Entry

Deer Dairy,

Well today we will b in a strip klub. I kno it wil b so much fun bcuz captin falkin sed it wood b beer thur an no she demun! Oh yes that wil b so gud bcuz that bish wantz to tri to rape me agen. Jest a our ago samis dum ash gunna tri to giv me sum sleepin pills, but I had sumthing in store her ash. The stewpid bish kame in mi room an I had a doo doo bazooka!

I shot her and she flew out the room. Then the smell woke up all da house. Day acted a dam fool. I don't undastand. I didn't smell nothing. But samis kame bak 4 more. So I had my arsinal reddy 4 her! She slippd in my room agen an this time I ate her. Agen, I had 2 take sum lazitives becuz the bish is hard 2 digest. She been kiking and skreamin like hell. I also ate some chiken and a peetsa and sponge bob skware pants bcus he is yeller and looks like a banananana.

Sincerelee.

Bowzer!

-- 12:15 P.M., May 27 Zelda's Diary Entry

Greetings Diary,

----I cannot believe I was being forced by this dumb ass author -- whom is a very smart person., (I don't want him to do anything bad to me…) made me go to this burned down male strip club. There was all this white gunk still on the tables and stuff and some of the kids got stuck to the seats. Now, there weren't any good refreshments so we had to serve the children straight liquor. The little bastards got drunk and started farting and thought it was so funny.

----This is the crap that makes me sick. I am a princess dammit! I shouldn't have to do this childish crap. I have servants who have servants to do their chores for me. I am so much prettier than these ugly people like Roy, but I'll never be as sexy as Luigi. People white my buttocks everyday! I don't have to do a thing/. Everyone is under me!

-----So it's my turn to entertain the kids. What am I supposed to do? I don't think for myself! My servants do it for me. So I taught them the only things I know, how to vomit your food. Now I took my toothbrush and stuck it down my throat. One fo the little girls said they saw their mom do it plenty of times, and that her mom was in a wheel chair because she was too light to walk and almost had a heart attack trying to go to the bathroom. Oh well, it's only because she is an adorable idiot.

----Let's not forget the thing is BURNED DOWN! There was no stage! There were pieces of wood on the floor and this is a brick building. Now how stupid is that! Then Fox wants to run around and add all these dang on Pokemon into the club. The little Charmander thingy started breathing fire and then the kids were so drunk from farting, that the farts caught fire and their little bums started burning. I laughed because being a smart princess, I don't fall for crap like that.

----I am smart! I am the queen! I am the sht! I am not even writing this, people are writing it for me! I tell you all that I could rule the world if I wanted to. I could even kill the author of this story!

:Blood spilled on the rest of this because Heartless Fantasy shot Zelda.:

-- 01:18 P.M., May 26 Captain Falcon's Diary Entry

Greetings Diary,

And again, the male strip club thing was fun! We had male strippers and of course I stripped too! I stripped in my pink thong and bra even though I have no breasts! It was delicious -- I mean fun! Until the dead corpses of the old strippers came back to life. Zelda passed out because she ran out of body fluids.

The point being the corpses all went for Luigi because he is SO sexy! I mean so so sexy! I love me some Luigi. They tried to attack him and they pinned him down and gave him a lap dance. Maggots were coming out of their eyeballs and the maggots gave Luigi a lap dance. Then all the little drunk kids gave Luigi a lap dance. Then I tried to give Luigi a lap dance until a Pokemon came and blew a flame on my little cute booty.

My booty is no longer good and glazed -- perfect. Sorry, I meant perfect. Again, the thing was so fun to do. Never have I been banged by 6 people. Don't ever tell anyone that. And I think Shiek was in it to because when she came around, all the boys left. But, I doubt her ugly ass did anything because I would never let my honey glazed basketballs get near a face like that.

Now let's talk about my child. I killed it. That child was so dang on ugly! The doctor slapped my grandmother for letting our generation go that far. I can't have a child because… it's impossible! I mean it's literally impossible! And by a 12 year old! That's really sick. I mean, the thinks I do are not THAT sick, but come on, a 12 year old and plus he was threatening to put me on child support.

I fed the baby to Peach's breasts. They actually went back in her shirt because the baby was so ugly. I had to put a Halloween mask on it just for them to take one bite of the baby. This thing did not look anywhere near normal! Even the insides were weird. It was filled with chocolate cakes and condoms (which I hoarded for myself) and Vaseline (which I also took, a LOT of.)

I have to get ready for the next event we are having. Heartless Fantasy will announce it later on, and I hope it deals with more stripping.

Glazed Booty Capt. Falcon Out

-- 02:27 P.M., May 26 Peach's Diary Entry

HOLA! That means chicken! I learned that on Sesame Street today! Earlier this morning my boobies ate a little ugly doll. It was so ugly I fainted. I didn't go to the strip club thingy because I boo boo'd on myself and no one was here to change my panties. So I had to wait all day until they came home for Link to change them. But he was really stinky and the green aura was coming from in between his legs and he scratched a lot. I think a hamster pooted in his pants and that's why it would smell so bad.

Now, let's not forget that Yoshi's dumb ass stole my ring! I am going to kick his pa-tootie! I already have his balls and I stuck a string through the balls and they are now like the beads you get when you show your boobies. I remembered every time I showed mine that the boys would run off and throw all the beads at me and I never had to work for them though. Once my boobies had a head in them because I showed my boobies and a man died. Somebody shot him in the head with a big gun I think. I'm not too sure.

But Yoshi! Yoshi! Yoshi! I am going to finish him off because I hate his bisexual self. I caught him sleeping with Toad this morning. Poor little Toad had to pretend he was enjoying it just to stop Yoshi from being mean to him. I gave Yoshi a poison mushroom! HA HA HA HA HA! He got what he deserved. All of a sudden he started laying billions of eggs and his booty hole couldn't keep up with all the eggs popping out and it split him in half. I took his tongue and I used it as a thong. But now it's all messy with booboo, but it did keep my crotch from getting dry. The crabs have ran out of bottled water down there. It's so dry… they call it the Sahara Desert Junior down there in my crotch! They are so mean! I stuck my finger down there once and it looked like a barbecue hotdog. I know it's not that hot down there, I've felt hotter, like Fox's breath after having sex with Mewtwo.

Gawd, I am so tired. I won't fall asleep on the Diary this time because I am on the toilet! I know I can stay up if I stay in the toilet. I have already fallen in and my butt cheeks are wet, I forgot who left the seat up. Oh wait, this isn't a toilet. It's the in-door swimming pool! Oh my, I have let loose the snickers and almonds in this pool. I will just tell them they are Hershey's chocolate now painted green. They are stupid and I am smart, they will fall for it.

-- 05:24 P.M., May 26 Link's Diary

Journal,

Everyone around me is dying! They scream in pain because of the smell from in between my legs! It's sad that they can't take the smell of my fishy legs. They are all weaklings. I can't help if I have small balls and that my pubic hairs follicles are really, really dirty from me rolling around in pig shit.

The smell isn't so bad because I was smoking this new illegal drug and I was so high. The police ran and tried to catch me but when they came within the 5 foot radius, they began to vomit and die. Their skin peeled and their eyes burned. I laughed and I threw a bomb at them, but it exploded from the faunk time I pulled the bomb out. I don't even know where they come from, but this one did have the familiar odor of my genitalia.

Here we go again, the faunk is burning the paper. I have to bawl it up and throw it before I lose the diary entry and I am forced to do …. Shiek.

:Half a burned page is left and it is too faunky for your eyes to read:

-- 08: 02 P.M., May 26 Roy's Diary Entry

My plan failed! It failed and this sucks! The baby is now missing and I have not repaid the little bastard Young Link back for what he did!

Let's start about how bad my day was. I got kicked out the burned down strip club because I was so ugly, and all the little kids ran away from me because I was so ugly. So I had to walk around the streets. People were screaming out of the cars "Woah what the hell is that!" and "Who let out the mascot for It hurt me so bad. I went to the zoo and the elephants threw peanuts at me and the gorillas tried to invite me to their tribe.

I'm going to get plastic surgery no matter how much it will cost me or no matter how ugly I am. I don't like being ugly. This is how it has always been. Even when I was kid, my parents disowned me because I was ugly and I was found in a garbage bag. Then I grew up in an orphanage and they though I was a dog, so they fed me all these nasty foods and stuff. They even made me sleep outside until someone finally told them after 3 years I was a real boy. Then I became a master swordsman and I defeated my sensei. Mostly because He couldn't stand looking at me and put on a blindfold so I had an easy advantage over him. I sliced his head off and he screamed "I would rather die than look at something as ugly as you!".

This has to stop, I am tired of slicing my wrists because people have been calling me ugly! I should put a bullet in everyone's skull who calls me ugly or refers to me not having any beauty. I'm beautiful no matter what they say, words can't describe … how ugly I am! Let's face it! I'm ugly and that's the way it is and it's going to be! But I will get sexy like Luigi! Watch, by tomorrow, I will be sexy! You hear me… sexy! And my balls are killing me1 I hate outbreaks…

Roy'$ Diary Entry

-- 11:32 P.M., May 26 Marth's Diary Entry

Dear Diary,

You know today everyone thought I was an ugly woman just because I wore Peach's dress that she let me borrow. They make me so damn sick because they think everyone can be a good drag queen. I am the best drag queen there is and I still have sex with women and they love me. At the little kids party thing, this little girl wore the same red slippers I had on. I know the bitch didn't try to dress like me. I knocked that little 8 year old bitch in her mouth. Then she gone try to hit me with a damn beer bottle. How the hell she think she is going to be me! So we got to jackin'. Right there, I was beating her little ass. I took off my bra and strangled her, but she stepped on my testicles because I forgot to wear a jockstrap with my G-String. But I was getting her. Then she took a piece of wood and hit me on the side of my head! Oh my god it hurt so bad… so bad… Then she jumped on me and I gave her a titty twister even though she had little olives for breasts, but I twisted them little mother fuckers so hard, her teeth fell out and her hair stood on end! But she pulled out some mace and maced me in my face. I couldn't see, and the little girl must have been a robo-bitch because she picked me up and threw me in a puddle of water in the club's basement. Well, a puddle of semen and then through one of the broken lights down there to electrocute me! And that's exactly what she did. The padded metal bra I was wearing sapped up all the electricity. So I jumped up from the basement and I put my tittes (I'm flat chested so I put my chest on her) and I blew her face off. Then the last words she muttered was "I hate you! You stinky old lady!". I hate that little bitch two because, who the fuck she think she is trying to talk about me! I'm Queen Marth, and I still get my ladies. As of tonight, I'm going to get some from Zelda! HAH! Even if she is just a dead corpse… :).

Marth

! A NEW DAY! ALL SMASHER WILL NOW BE SPECIAL GUESTS ON NANNY 911 !

-- 07:13 A.M., May 27 Samus's Diary Entry

Samus Signing In:

I am now outside the body of Bowser. I have murdered SpongeBob SquarePants. Does anyone know how much he can talk while inside of a body? Anyone! He is an asshole, and not the good kind. I hate him now. The little batsard kept on asking what would happen if he touched certain parts of my baby's body. So I told him to go down the pink tunnel. He did and he was screaming such foul language like:

It smells like Patrick's ass! Please someone! Get me out of here! I can see the light! A green light! ACK! It's more shit! HEEEEEEELLLLPPPPPP! Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! Please, someone! The Great Neptune please come and save me. I can't swim! AHHHHH! It's a pool of shit! Oh no! I'm drowning! Ah hot piss! Hot piss! TOO MUCH FOR ME! I'm melting, I'm melting! AH! OW OW OWWWW! My body can't take anymore! My two buck ass teeth are brown! And I can't feel my legs! The shit burned off my legs!

Okay maybe I went a little to far, his legs did get burned off and he made it out of there. Of course for me, I was pooped up in a bed. And I saw Shiek holding a picture of Bowser. Bowser was nowhere to be found. My suit was melted again, and I have third degree burns again, so Shiek didn't notice me. The man-woman thing looked at me in disgust and ran off. Well, actually, she ran wildly around the room sounding like a hippo going through birth. So I shot her with a tranquilizer dart filled with Prozac. And now she is running a muck around little bitty kids. I wonder how she's doing? But, let me get dressed for these little bastards, My skull needs some make up, and I don't have much skin left on my body, so I have to make the best. No suit today.

End Transmission.

-- 02: 12 P.M., May 27 Luigi's Diary Entry

It's-a me! Mar --Luigi!

Note: I am writing correctly because I don't want to be like my fat ass brother Mario.

Where should I begin? The nanny thing didn't go so well. The kids started crying and Bowser began to start throwing a fit and ate some of the little munchkins. We had to get one of the fat kids out of his mouth, butt all we got was the cupcake in his hand, which Ganondorf ate. So he began to start crying like a baby. Something is truly wrong with that guy. So he gave some of the little kids beer, and they craved more of it and screamed even more. I couldn't take all this screaming. So I walked out and all the little girls followed me saying I was such a pretty man. I ran away from them and they threw wild fits crying that they wanted me to hunch on them like their father's have.

Now Zelda was a different problem. Even after being shot in the head brought back to life, she thought she was way to good to take care of the kids. This one little overweight girl kept asking Zelda for her dress, and Zelda wouldn't give it to her. The little girl sat on Zelda's foot and smashed her toenails. Zelda went off in a furious rage. She stuck her foot up the girl's ass and twisted it. She stuck it so far up her butt, we could see Zelda's toenails coming out of the girl's mouth. We couldn't get her foot out. So Zelda has to walk around with a fat girl for a foot. She's now like 7 feet tall and the little girls stomach made a good cushion for her.

Mario thinks he is slick. While I was whipping one of the girls for saying "Give me some of that big k!". He tried to stab me in the back with a knife. I knew he was after me because he is jealous of how sexy I am. So I turned around and hit him with a coin punch. Actually, it knocked some dollars out his pocket and the little kids started hitting each other trying to get the money. So I hit him with my package and he flew through a window. And he gripped onto the head of it. I couldn't take the pain of him playing bungee with my ball sack. So I pissed and he got shot with the golden Kool-Aid and fell to the ground. His body was lying in a pool of blood.

Fox also had a problem with these little kids. He let out a Pokemon with these really big titties and pink lips. She was black, not like a race black, as in crayon black with a blonde wig on! He started having sex right in front of the little kids. The little kids started re-enacting it! They tried to enter through the butt hole's of the little girls and the little girls pooped on the boys. It was so sad and yet it was so funny that they didn't know what to do. Fox then began to make the scream Pokemon scream it's name so loudly! The wig thing fell off and Fox didn't even use a condom on that thing! Just a few seconds after he got through with the Pokemon, it had a baby. Oh my god, it went through labor for 3 minutes! The baby came out and I don't even want to describe what it looked like. Just great another baby for us to have taken care of.

I don't ever want to have to baby sit little kids again. That is so not right. They made us not whip the kids, which they really needed. We had to sit down and talk to them, this shit didn't work. The bastards were running us and telling us what the fuck to do. Let's not forget this is live television! I being so sexy, didn't have to follow the rules. When the camera showed me, the show got the highest ratings. And also, Captain Falcon is in jail for child molestation.

Still Sexy Luigi

-- 05: 23 P.M., May 27 Shiek's Diary Entry

Dearest Diary,

Shiek had to take care of little babies today. The little babies didn't like Shiek because Shiek is ugly. But, Shiek also woke up with Bowser sleeping next to Shiek. Shiek screamed and hit Shiek's "it" attacked Bowser and Shiek got really horny. Shiek started to poke Bowser in the butt. Shiek loved doing it to Bowser because he screamed in pain from the ferocious power of Shiek's "it". Shiek then let Bowser do Shiek, but Bowser was too big and Shiek screamed in pain from his weight and he didn't know how to give good love to Shiek. Shiek fell asleep and woke up to the ugly sight of Samus. Samus was very ugly to Shiek because Samus looked like a skeleton with a little bit of skin on her. She was ugly as fuck. Shiek ran around a lot.Then Shiek was hit with a needle and Shiek tried to have sex with some of the little kids this morning. Shiek's "it" was too big to fit into the little kids so the little kids played with Shiek's "it". Shiek told the kids to be careful, but they didn't listen to Shiek and they all drowned in Shiek's woman juice. Shiek now has a court date and Shiek doesn't want to go to jail because the people in jail will want to make Shiek's "it" theirs and Shiek wants Shiek's it all to Shiek's self. Shiek must go now, Zelda is being mean to Shiek and wants some time in the body.

Shiek heart Bowser

-- 6:30 P.M. May 27, Mario's Diary Entry

It's-a me Diary--Mario!

I think Peach has gotten-a smarter because she is now able to count-a to 7. This is a bad thing-a because she-a may start to wonder why I have-a a lot-a of girls at my-a house. Just an hour ago-a her boobies killed-a Jessica Simpson. She said she knew-a what was going on-a and Jessica Simpson was not allowed to bake-a any cakes for me. Woo, I almost thought-a she found out what was really-a going on. Boy that Jessica Simpson got-a some hips on her. More than Peach-a will ever have-a. Then Peach just gave-a me a cake that said "I love you Malio". Who the hell-a is Malio? Is this bitch-a cheating on me or she was-a too dumb to cook a cake right-a and spelled my name-a correctly. That is the only-a thing she will ever-a be: A professional-a baker. She can't even have-a sex right. She tried to be the man-a one time. I screamed at her-a, but she took off her-a shirt and the boobies started snapping-a at my cocktail weenie. I knew what-a was good for me and I stopped right-a in my tracks. Peach was so musty-a and had so much hair-a under her arms from where-a that dress has made her-a sweat so much-a.

I remember when I first-a saved Peach from Bowser-a. The very first time, Bowser was trying-a to take Peach because-a he wanted to take off her boobies-a and make them into a new breed-a of Chain Chomps. I saved her and little-a did I know Bowser was right. She had these gigantic computer monitors on her chest-a and they barked and barked. I hate those boobies just as much-a as the next person. Especially when Peach-a gets on her period and she doesn't get-a any. She starts crying for some-a of the Mario and I give her some-a of the Mario. Then she may even get real-a sad afterwards saying I'm not as sexy-a as Luigi is and that-a she wants to watch Dora The Explorer-a Gone Wild. DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING-a HARD IT WAS TO FIND-a THAT DVD? It was some little-a 5 year old Spanish-a girl showing her mosquito bites and-a trying to stop this fox from-a 'Swiping" her goodies.

Having sex-a with Peach-a,

Mario

A Whole Month Later

-- 03: 32 A.M, June 18 Fox's Diary Entry

Fox:

I just took a trip to the Pokemon world and I had a fabulous time. Never have I seen so many beautiful Pokemon in the world. There was free booty everywhere! I didn't know where to start! I hadn't gotten any in a long time and I had a lot of Pokeballs and I planned on taking some of them home for later keeping. I took Kirby with me just in case I got horny searching for Pokemon and I couldn't find some good booty. I traveled from town to town and I saw that guy named Ash. He started shooting his gun at me because I stole his Pikachu from him and he really wanted it back. He isn't getting it back because that Pikachu gave me some of the best sex I had ever had. I was so sprung off Pikachu, I was taking it out on dates, buying it stuff, and giving it some of the best loving ever. Do you know how many times it tried to run away from me? It even learned how to speak English. It told me it didn't like me, but I don't care as long as I got mine. That's all that matters to me. I do it like Fantasia: Good love to you, Sweet love to you.

Now I plan on going to this gym with a lot o girls there. I'm sure they keep a lot of female Pokemon, but I have to really careful because one time, I got some Stun Spore on my penis and it didn't work for a long while. I couldn't even masturbate because of that! It was the worst 2 hours of my life because I was so freaking horny. But, I will have to write in you later because I am wasting valuable sex time.

Getting Good Love: Fox

-- 08:14 A.M., June 18

I don't have testicles or a booty hole anymore. All thanks to the people here. That's no fair that I have to be ridden like a horse by Mario and he didn't even use his penis with it and now I have no balls or butt. I can't lay my eggs to reproduce and that means my race will go extinct! I bet Peach would love to see that because a week ago her dumb ass put a blanket in the oven and set the house on fire talking about she wanted to keep the cake warm. What the fuck kind of shit is that?

A few more weeks ago, Ganondorf had another gorilla looking baby. I tried to steal his booty hole, but his baby looked at me and my eyes started burning like hell because the baby was so fucking ugly. I was blinded for a few days. We have kept the baby in a cage with a blanket over it and it has been crying for food. We're too scared to feed the baby because it is so ugly. We plan on burying the cage in a deep hole, but no one wants to touch the cage. Even Peach is smart enough not to touch it.

They did pay me 100 coins to get the baby and bury it. I can do it, because with 100 coins I have an extra life. If I die from looking at it, I will come back. That's how it is. I am Yoshi! The best looking damn dinosaur in the mother fucking world! I am the shit!

:This was not be finished because Heartless Fantasy killed Yoshi and he is the shit, and he took his 100 coins.:

-- 12:45 P.M., June 18 Peach's Diary Entry

Hello pink piece of paper! Mario has now married me and I am so happy! I want my Mario all to myself so no other bitch can call him their man. I am the only baker who cooks for my baby! That's the way it will always be. We bought ourselves a pet. A fully grown tiger! I wrestle with my tiger every day and it always tries to lick my face. It hurts sometimes because he is very rough, but then my boobies started to play with the tiger. They shaved off all the tiger's fur until I could see the bones of the tiger. My tiger is very pretty. It is a white pile of bones. It won't eat anymore for some reason, and I don't even have to clean after my tiger. It just sits there. It did leave me it's heart as gift and I gave the skull a kiss on the forehead because I love my tiger. It's my baby! I love it almost as much as I love Mario. Zelda said my tiger is dead, but that bitch is stupid. She also told me that the sky was blue (It's red like a banana!), 2 + 2 4 (It's pie!), and O.J. did it (No he didn't! He didn't kill her! My boobies did!). Daddy says he is going to take the whole house to Disney Land in a couple of days. OOOH! I can't wait until I go. Zelda said she is out shopping for her a new dress and she is going to buy me a special bra to keep my knockers in check, whatever that means. Luigi is now even sexier because he has cut his mustache. If Zelda cuts hers, she will look sexier too! Well diary, I have to prepare for the Disney Land trip.

:The rest of the page is ripped because this dumb ass used it as toilet paper.:

Character Overview:

Mario: Married to Peach

Peach: Married to Mario and preparing for the trip

Luigi: Is now really sexy because he shaved

Capt. Falcon: In jail for child molestation charges

Link: Has been bathing for the past few days

Bowser: Was last seen trying to roll 7 on a 6 sided die

Samus: Plastic Surgery

Roy: Took plastic surgery and he got breast implants instead of a better face

Ganondorf: At McDonald's for their $.99 Big n' Tasty's

Marth: Has assault charges and in church for sexuality confusion

Fox: Was eventually caught by Ash while he was having sex with Prof. Oak

! WE'RE GOING TO DISNEYLAND !

Heartless Fantasy: Thank you! Thank you all! I love you! And I hope you all review my story! Please enjoy this, I spent some time thinking about this and I hope everyone has a been satisfied with this chapter and my drought of updating.


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